Actually, he kind of resembles my cousin:

Oh, Diana and Jen, will you ever stop being hilarious?

Second in my fake series of cool AsAm female comedians. The first was Charlyne Yi (WHO IS DATING MICHAEL CERA, WHO IS ON BOARD FOR ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT), if you remember.



Mindy Kaling is gold. I don't watch The Office though. Leave me alone!

Dear Shilpa,

This is not a spam and it is urgent. My name is Nadia Surapanpong and I am a professional, working in the films business and currently casting for a new big budget Hollywood movie. I am wondering if you and your organization at Columbia U can please post and pass along this flyer to every one you know of Asian-decent to come to my Open Casting Call this Sunday, 3/1 from 11A - 5P to be part of the new movie from M. Night Shyamalan’s new movie, The Last Airbender (in production now based on the popular series called, Avatar on Nickelodeon Channel) this Sunday, March 1st. He is the well-known director of The Six Sense, Unbreakable, Signs, The Lady in the Water, and from last year's movie called, The Happening; see his full list of credits at http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0796117/.

It is an Open Casting Call for all Asian-Americans for Night's new movie. IF by far chance you are personally interested in this as well please come to the Open Casting Call yourself, if not PLEASE tell and / or bring all of your friends who might be interested. IF they are selected, there will be paid transportation, housing and per diem for their time. It is approximately 1 – 2 weeks worth of work in Philadelphia; please read the attached flyer for all the detail info.

Any questions you can contact me directly. Thanks so much,
Nadia

A few reasons why this e-mail cracks me up:

1. THE SPELLING ERRORS ("Asian-decent")
2. M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN
3. THE MOVIE IS BASED ON A NICKELODEON CHANNEL SERIES
4. "This is not a spam and it is urgent."
   

Can someone please go to this audition?

I hear from Hyphen Blog that comic / actress Charlyne Yi received a Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at the increasingly commercialized Sundance Film Festival this year. Her film is called Paper Heart, and it "follows 23-year-old Yi as she interviews a diverse group of couples and seeks advice on how to deal with her own love skepticism. The fictional element of the film kicks in when she meets and falls for actor Michael Cera (Arrested Development, Superbad) -- rumored to be her real-life beau."


Charlyne Yi's short, "The Cave"

I'm devoting an entire entry to Charlyne Yi, partly because I've loved her since before she got semi-famous, partly because of the George Michael connection (most of The Blaaag staff is obsessed with Arrested Development), and partly because a friend once said that I remind him of Charlyne Yi's stoner girlfriend character in Knocked Up. Go figure.

Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.

You probably heard that Tina Fey (writer and star of one of the Blaaag's favorite shows, 30 Rock) made the cover of Vanity Fair again (her last time was with Sarah Silverman and Amy Poehler as the three funny graces). There's all this hullabaloo about the article's inaccuracies and the controversy of Tina's ugly years, but what really screamed at the Blaaager inside me was this quote:

Fey recalls she was at her heaviest in Chicago and, later, sitting at a desk at S.N.L. “I’m five four and a half, and I think I was maxing out at just short of 150 pounds, which isn’t so big. But when you move to New York from Chicago, you feel really big. Because everyone is pulled together, small, and Asian. Everyone’s Asian.”

Oh, Tina, you're right about New Yorkers being thinner (it's the walking more miles per day than any other city thing), but I'm sure there are lots of not pulled together, not-so-small Asians in Chicago (and New York) too.

Maybe the only thing that will make your sleepless, working night better is a spoof on Asian toddlers and Oriental products, you say? Well, here you go.

Courtesy of Asian American Alliance Political Committee member, Vivian, via GChat:

Vivian: What do you call a fat chinaman?
me: oh no
what?
Vivian: a chunk
me: LOL
hahahahahaah

And, scene.

The creators of MMIAF have cooked up something new. Our friend/conspirator/psycho preemptively called this one a few days ago:

Happy bday, T. Xie! After your first professional year at that fancy investment company, we at The Blaaag are happy to know that you still throw ridiculous parties. Even if they're now in a neighborly residential spot in Astoria, with annoyed downstairs neighbors. We're also happy to know that you still shout nonsense after a few hours and a few drinks.

Love, us.

Patrick Chang, AAA social chair, has sent another ridiculous email. This time, he is "laying down the fucking LAW." Enjoy.

This message is for Everybody

Dear You all,
I'm sorry for the last minute change, but the cultureshock meeting on Sunday is for EVERYONE. I'm laying down the fucking LAW and everyone has to be there. We have 4 weeks until cultureshock, which for all of you illiterates, it means that EVERYONE has to get crackin on EVERYTHING. I will let everyone know their job there, just be prepared. Cause if you don't get your shit done I will be pissed. Just prepare for a world of pain. Like seriously. I'm already angry. I'll see you all there Patrick

Patrick

The tactic's enabler is none other than Patrick Chang, AAA's Social Chair.

Read his e-mail below:

Free Braveheart Movie Showing at my PLACE!

NOT

I tricked you guys into looking at my e-mail about what else besides
FLYERING

That braveheart title was not totally random. I will supply you with an in depth analysis/annotation of a speech from Braveheart

"I am William Wallace. And I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of tyranny! You have come to fight (he meant flyer here instead of fight) as free men. And free man you are! What will you do without freedom? Will you fight(and here)?" "Two thousand against ten?" - the veteran shouted. "No! We will run - and live(this guy also meant flyer)!" "Yes!" Wallace shouted back. "Fight and you may die(aka watch as your flyer's are torn down). Run and you will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our [flyer's down] but they will never take our [ability to flyer 3 days in a row!]!"

No wonder people think that AAA is full of weirdos.

Check. This. Out.

Simply, a blog about all the funny things that our fobby mommies do. My favorite?

SUBJECT LINE: I UNDERSTAND YOU

Now I realize the difference between students graduated from Yale or Harvard and other regular university. So your dad and me are not worried about your job, but worry about one thing which your dad wants me to talk with you.

I understand you, like all other young people, would like to experience the love, a romantic love. We also know, to stop young people having sax before marriage is impossible, but we’d like to remind you, at least you should always protect yourself well.

1. Do not let pregnancy happen.

2. Prevent the disease. your skin is not good, I am afraid the first time having sex you might get pain and suffered.

with love,

Mom

Don't know what a FOB is?

from www.someecards.com

During last week's elections, one candidate, Yitian Li CC '08, came up to the podium with a love letter to AAA:

To the awesome honorable officers of the AAA,
I am the Yitian Li I've got something to say.
I was so excited that one of the nominees for webmaster shi wo (trans: is me)
I couldn't stop saying how cool it would be to my friend Ping Guo (trans: Apple).

However just a week ago some guy broke the web, which was so worldly and wide,
And I got a call, since I was the nearest grand wizard of electronics in sight.
They told me to come down and fixes these tubes that ran the Internet,
So I'll be leaving soon to see how those configurmarations are set.

I don't know when I'll back and fixing the web will be my new mission,
Regretfully, I have to withdraw from the running for the webmaster position.
However before I leave you on my extended vacation,
Let me share with you, some of my AAA observations.

I gotta tell ya at first I didn't what the deal is with these Asian
clubs, what's all the fuss?
That's until I went to this sweet afterparty event, called "18+ 18+ 18+".
I saw you guys talked about serious stuff too, like awareness,
identity and racial tension.
Unlike other clubs, AAA had a political committee, a blog, and a great vision.

I like that you guys buy people real food, not Domino's pizza,
Great job with putting events on for $20 dollas, thanks Aretha!
Speaking of food, what's the deal with people chowing down on a cow's member?
And they ate it twice as fast when it was mixed in a blender.

You go to some pretty cool conferences, like BASIC and ECASSU,
Though I heard there was this one guy you should stay away from, I
think his name was Vudoo?
No matter though the best conference around is NYCSSAC, or so I'm told,
Where if you're lucky, you just might wake up holding, a giant margarita bowl.

Walking around campus, it's obvious your OCMs know how to flyer.
I keep seeing this half naked asian guy, at eye level or higher.
AAA spreads the asian love around and you guys are the best.
There's nothing you can't do with a few ABC budget requests.

So thank you again for the chance to run for webmaster,
I'm sure whoever wins will build a site that's harder, better, faster, stronger.
Though for me it's time to go, to leave this giant party,
Next year, y'all better still be... ridin' dirty.

Yitian

Yes, it is an inside joke. Yitian Li (fake name) is one of the former members of AAA. Good luck at Google, Yitian, and we'll miss you lots.

As forwarded by one of our OCMs, Eddie:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings, you are accepting the aforementioned terms as stated. This greeting is not subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself/himself/others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Happy holidays!

Tagline: More and More are Stupid Lazy-Asses

"No longer content to be thought of as successful, intelligent, hard-working and family-oriented, an ever-increasing number of second- and third-generation Asian-Americans are beginning to fail miserably."

... so that's why I'm failing school. Check it out here.